I've been thinking about this a lot. Where am I in the next 5 years? What job did I do? What are the property that I own by myself. Who are always there for me? Am I having my own savings?

A lot of things come up on my mind. I will be 22 on this 12th February which this upcoming Friday. Technically my age keeps increasing but I not sure whether I am matured enough to be 22 soon. I am still studying to become a degree holder with an excellent result for this 3 years onward. Yes I know, semester 1 year 1 already passed. But  I don't give all out. Although I know I have a lot to catch up but I still refused to study back then. You will know that feeling when you are the second intake then already passed certain topics and there is no one you will ask for help in your studies. I thought I can go through all this. But I failed for this semester. I failed to become dean list and have to let go all kind of scholarship. Pity me? No, serve me right.

Elder said that, beware of those who become your friends and careful when you make a friend. And now I know, why elderly said that. The one who become your friends is actually your own self when you looked at a mirror. You see yourself in the mirror. Although you know you may lack something, but the mirror will say otherwise. Although you said, "Oh my outfit look odd today", the mirror will keep telling you, "No, you look great!". And that time, you fall for that.

I didn't try to put a blame on anyone or might be anybody, but I do feel a little bit regret. I don't really know how to express this feeling. It just like, when you have something you want to eat, a person bought it for you. You like the food but you didn't like the person. And you end up giving up on both, the food and the person. Yes, I admit. I lost both. Maybe I can say I got lost in my studies and friend. Yeah, when my friend keeps telling me the dark side of mine, I keep looking at the dark. So I never looking at my studies. And now I failed.

The result for semester 1 already announced in the portal. But I don't have enough courage to check mine. I know I couldn't make it. I know I won't passed 3.50 and above. How depressing.. But I still have another 7 semesters to go. 1 down and I never let the other 7 down too. So I want to open up a new book. Start a new life. And maybe a new roommate. Is not like I hate you, but it is more like I don't want we fought more in the future. It enough for all the bad things you told me. I couldn't bear anymore. I know I am not a perfect friend for you. I am so sorry. I like to express my gratitude for all this while we have been together. Thank you.



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